Called to Heal: Identifying & Clarifying Your Calling

Are you a healer, helper or empath? Or, maybe all three?

Are you a deep-feeler--you feel everything, most of the time?

Do you lose sleep or are you distracted by others' pain, anguish or concerns?

Do you often put others’ needs ahead of your own?

Are you a good listener and often sought out by friends, family or even strangers for advice, help or support?

Is it second nature for you to help others?

Do you feel what others feel, and do you have a hard time distancing yourself from their feelings and experiences?

Do you feel "different" from most people?

Are you mildly, moderately or extremely clairvoyant, psychic and/or know what’s going to happen, or how things are going to turn out?

Do you feel misunderstood?

Do you feel things more intensely than others?

Do you deal with depression, anxiety and/or other mental health issues?

If you are around people who are unwell or “out of order”, and you affected by them?

Do you have a low threshold for malls or crowds?

Are you sensitive to unnatural light, loud sounds, specific foods, places and scents?

Do people in need always seem to find you, and do you befriend them or have a relationship with them, despite knowing that it isn’t always what’s best for you?

Are you different from most of your family members?

Are you a truth-teller?

Do you go through periods of insomnia without knowing why you aren’t sleeping?

Do your dreams feel "so real", and do they often show you an outcome?

Do you wake up throughout the night, often at 12, 3 or 6?

Do you have to be careful about the TV shows, movies, news and music that you watch/ and listen to because they affect you?

Do you get exhausted or ill from giving too much, but don’t always know how to stop giving?

Have you experienced what you would define as trauma and/or extreme difficulties and experiences in your life?

Have you had dreams that could indicate you may be called to healing, i.e. buying or preparing specific-coloured beads, entering bodies of water, or going into trance, or other socio-culturally relevant indicators?

I wish I could tell you that if you answered a certain number of questions, you are in fact a healer, helper or empath, but chances are that if you were drawn to this post and identified with a number of the things on this list, then you may have a calling to heal. This can only be verified by a trustworthy, reliable and skilled healer, and/or your ancestors and spiritually guiding helpers.

Being a helper, healer and empath can be complicated, especially when you recognize that you are “different”, and are still trying to navigate a world that may not value you, is not conducive to you, doesn’t understand what being sensitive really means and is really overwhelming, a lot of the time.

You may want to hide from the world sometimes, but hiding away has its downsides, too, like feeling isolated, lonely, and not receiving love and care from others.

What you really require isn't more distance, you need to be with the right kind of others--people who see you, hear you, value you and appreciate you. Folks who give to you, too. But you also have to be willing to receive it.

Healers, helpers and empaths aren't all roses and sunshine. We have big flaws too. Givers can cross boundaries by giving “too much”, meddling and being controlling because “we know best”, and then there's wanting to fix or rescue--which of course doesn’t work because ultimately, we have to rescue ourselves with the help of seen and unseen helpers and skilled support.

Yes, it's true, people need people. Interrelationships are essential for life, living and survival, but healers, helpers and empaths, well, we can over-give, control and/or have expectations from and for others and their outcomes.

We can also be distracted by giving as a method for avoiding looking at and dealing with ourselves, and well, our shit.

How do you know when giving is healthy?

a. There is no expected outcome from the giver.

b. The giving has little or nothing to do with the giver and everything to do with the receiver.

c. Giving doesn’t ask for returns, but exchanges are nice.

d. There is no judgment about the other person’s behaviour, actions and patterns (you don’t have to like what they say or do, but it probably has nothing to do with you!).

e. Giving is done freely with an open heart and not because the giver feels obliged.

f. The giver and receiver's personal boundaries are still in place.

Healers, helpers and empaths tend to feel excessive responsibility for others and the world.

We may also struggle with feelings of guilt when we don’t or can’t give what someone asks for, wants or needs.

No, is a full sentence.

If you are running around like a chicken with its head cut off, dealing with a physical, emotional, psychological and/or spiritual crisis, you may want to pause and take care of yourself. That doesn’t mean you won't give again, or can’t give in small ways--which you need to be clear on.

Injured can't help injured, effectively. You must be in-order before you can assist others.

Healers, helpers and empaths are also on a healing continuum and should be endeavouring to unpack our personal pain and address our issues and problems through appropriate socio-cultural and spiritual means. If we aren’t doing so, then we should be stepping back and holding our things and selves up to the light for clarity, before fully engaging with others. Otherwise, we could do damage.

Healers, helpers and empaths need healing too. It's okay to take a break, to tend to yourself and to your healing journey. To step back emotionally, physically and spiritually from someone, something or some place. At times, we require this.

We also need to find support from the right people. Meaning, you won’t find help or support, or even love, from those who can’t or won't give you what you need.

Stop looking in all the wrong places for what you need. You are wasting time and potentially (re) traumatizing yourself. You deserve love, care, support, encouragement, loyalty, devotion, and kindness, too.

Healers, helpers and empaths have our limits, but eventually, we can lose our shit too, which can look like everything from cancer, throwing a tantrum, acting impulsively or breaking down and more. We may also be navigating mental, emotional or spiritual imbalances too.

Don't wait until collapse before tending to your spirit. That's exhausting and purposeless. Why not give yourself the same attention, time, care, encouragement and support that you give others?

Maybe you didn’t have the support you needed growing up. Maybe you weren’t taught or shown love, safety, kindness, care and compassion. Maybe you haven’t experienced these things to really know them. Maybe receiving care, kindness, and proper love is what you want, but it is hard, too.

Whether we are martyrs or victims, neither role is healthy. We need to give ourselves the same kind of love, care and kindness that we give others! It is embodied in us but may require further cultivation.

As you attune so easily to how others feel and what they need--often at your own expense--be reminded that you have the ability to do this for your own heart, body and spirit. It is in you to give yourself, and it is in you to ask for, and to receive love and help too.

We can’t run away from who we are, whether we were born this way or developed into this role as children--as the branch bends, so grows the tree. But what came first, the chicken or the egg, is inconsequential.

What matters is that one way or another, we have been called to help, to feel and maybe to give deeply. Rather than feeling drained, exhausted, anxious and afraid of the calling, let it be an empowerment that can empower others.

How?

Be prepared to surrender to the God of your understanding, Ancestors, and/or spirit/s.

Surrender.

What does surrender look like for you? I don’t mean giving your power away. I don’t mean feeling helpless, I mean surrendering to experience serenity and empowerment.

What do you need to surrender in the present?

What empowers you?

What fills you up?

What activity/ritual takes you out of "the brain-machine" into a place of knowing and serenity?

Let’s face it, emotional and mental relaxation is needed, but zoning out on a screen isn’t going to help. In fact, too much screen time affects healers, helpers and empaths more than most.

Do you also take the time to remember that everything passes and changes?

This is the nature of life! Relationships change. Our environment changes. We change too.

So, how are you allowing yourself to change and transform right now?

How are you like the river reed, bending and agile but not breaking in the steady stream?

How are you moving like water?

Are you doing what is intrinsic to you?

Do you know what your calling is?

Are you prepared to explore what your calling might be?

Healer, helper and empath, if you endeavour to live a life that isn’t your own or follow a path that others want for you, it won’t work. You will find yourself in a series of crises because your spirit knows what it wants and needs, and your job is to follow it. Get out of your own way now. Surrender to your innate spirit, to your nature, and to your gifts.

Are you prepared to surrender and fully engage in your own healing? To find and follow your path?

If so, you are well on your way, healer, helper and empath. If not, that’s okay too. It's enough that you are reading this and hopefully finding some validation and encouragement in these words. Remember, you aren’t alone. We hear, see and value you. It's time for you to do the same for yourself.

If you'd like support to identify or clarify a calling, book a session.

Calling up the ancestors ~ Elliot Ndlovu's homestead, Midlands KZN, S.A. 2000

©Rebecca Rogerson, 2022