Am I a Healer, Helper and/or Empath? And Now What?!

Are you a healer, helper or empath? Or, maybe you aren't sure if you are or not.

Are you a deep feeler, as in, you feel everything, most of the time?

Do you lose sleep or are distracted by others pain, anguish or concerns?

Do you often put other’s needs ahead of your own?

Are you a good listener and often sought out by friends, family or even strangers for advice, help or support?

Is it second nature for you to help others?

Do you feel what others feel and do you have a hard time distancing yourself from their feelings and experiences?

Do you feel "different" than most people?

Are you mildly, moderately or extremely clairvoyant, psychic and/or know what’s going to happen, or how things are going to turn out?

Do you feel misunderstood?

Do you feel things more intensely than others?

Do you deal with depression, anxiety and/or other mental health issues?

If you are around people that are unwell or “out of order”, are you affected?

Do you have a low threshold for malls or crowds?

Are you sensitive to unnatural light, loud sounds, specific foods, places and scents?

Do people in need, always seem to find you, and do you befriend them or have a relationship with them, despite knowing that it isn’t what’s best for you?

Were/are you different from most of your family members?

Are you a truth-teller?

Do you go through periods of insomnia without knowing why you aren’t sleeping?

Do you wake up throughout the night, often at 12, 3 or 6?

Do you have to be careful about what TV shows, movies, news and music that you watch/ and listen to because it affects you?

Do you get exhausted or ill from giving too much but don’t always know how to stop giving?

Have you experienced what you would define as trauma and/or extreme difficulties in your life?

Have you had dreams that could indicate a calling to heal?

I wish I could tell you that if you answered s certain number of questions, you are in fact a healer, helper or empath, but chances are that if you were drawn to this post and identified with even a few things on this list; then you might be.

Being a helper, healer and empath can be complicated, especially when you recognize that you are “different” and are still trying to navigate a world that:

a. may not value you

b. is not conducive to you

c. doesn’t understand what being sensitive really means

d. is really overwhelming a lot of the time.

You may want to hide from the world sometimes, but hiding away has its downsides too, like feeling isolated, lonely and not receiving love and care from others.

What you really require isn't more distance, you need to be with the right kind of others--folks that see you, hear you, value you and appreciate you. Folks who give to you, too. But, are you willing to receive it?

Healers, helpers and empaths aren't all roses and sunshine. We have big flaws too! Givers can cross people's boundaries, can give “too much”, become controlling because “we know best”, and then there's wanting to fix or rescue--which of course doesn’t work because ultimately, we have to rescue ourselves with the help of seen and unseen helpers.

Yes, it's true, people need people. Interrelationships are essential for life, living and survival, but healers, helpers and empaths, well, we can over-give, control and/or have expectations from and for others and their outcomes.

We can also be distracted by giving as a method for avoiding looking and dealing with ourselves, and well, our shit.

How do you know when giving is healthy?

a. There is no expected outcome from the giver.

b. The giving has little or nothing to do with the giver and everything to do with the receiver, c. Giving doesn’t ask for returns but exchanges are nice

d. There is no judgement about the other person’s behaviour, actions and patterns (you don’t have to like what they say or do, but it probably has nothing to do with you!)

e. Giving is done freely with an open heart and not because the giver feels obliged.

f. The giver and receiver's personal boundaries are still in-place.

Healers, helpers and empaths tend to feel excessive responsibility for others and the world.

We may also struggle with feelings of guilt when we don’t or can’t give what someone asks for, wants or needs.

No, is a full sentence.

If you are running around like a chicken with its head cut off, dealing with a physical, emotional, psychological and/or spiritual crisis, you may want to pause, and take care of yourself. That doesn’t mean you won't give again, or can’t give in small ways--which you need to be clear on.

You must be in-order before you can assist others.

Healers, helpers and empaths are also on a healing continuum too, and we should be endeavouring to unpack our personal pain and addressing our problems through appropriate means. If we aren’t doing so, than we should be stepping back and holding our things and selves, up to the light for clarity, before fully engaging with others.

Healers, helpers and empaths need healing too. It's okay to take a break, to tend to yourself and to your healing journey. To step back emotionally, physically and spiritually from someone, something or some place. At times, we require this.

We also need to find support from the right people. As the saying goes, don’t go to the hardware store for milk. Meaning, you won’t find love from those who can’t or won’t love you in the way you need.

Stop looking in all the wrong places for what you need. You are wasting time and potentially (re) traumatizing yourself. You deserve love, care, support, encouragement, loyalty, devotion, and kindness too.

Healers, helpers and empaths have our limits too and it takes a while to make us really mad or fed up, but eventually we can lose our shit, which can look like everything from cancer, throwing a tantrum, acting impulsively or breaking down and more.

Don't wait until collapse before tending to your spirit. That's just exhausting and purposeless. Why not give yourself the same attention, time, care encouragement and support that you give others?

Maybe you didn’t have it growing up. Maybe you weren’t taught or shown love, kindness, care and compassion. Maybe you haven’t experienced these things to really know what they are. Maybe you are afraid of receiving care, kindness and proper love because it makes you feel vulnerable. Giving and caring for others can bring in issues of power and control too. Whether we are the martyrs or victims, neither role is healthy. The point is, you have the ability to give yourself the same kind of love, care and kindness that you give others! Its embodied in you but may further cultivation.

As you attune so easily to how others feel and what they need--often at your own expense--be reminded, that you have the ability to do this for your own heart, body and spirit. It is in you to give to your self. And, it is in you to ask for, and to receive love and help too.

We can’t run away from who we are, whether we were born this way or forced into this role as children—as the branch bends so grows the tree. But what came first, the chicken or the egg is inconsequential.

What matters is that one way or another, we have been called to help, to give and to feel, deeply. Rather than feeling drained, exhausted, anxious and afraid of it, let it be your superpower. Be empowered and empower others.

How? Be prepared to surrender to God, ancestors, and/or spirit/s of your understanding. Surrender.

What does surrender look like for you? I don’t mean giving your power away. I don’t mean being helpless, I mean surrendering as to experience serenity and empowerment.

What do you need to surrender in the present? What empowers you? What fills you up? What activity/ritual takes you out of what I call, the brain-machine into a place of knowing and serenity? Because let’s face it, emotional and mental relaxation is needed but zoning out on a screen isn’t going to help. In fact, too much screen time affects healers, helpers and empaths more than most.

Do you also take the time to remember that everything passes and changes? This is the nature of life and thank God for it! Relationships change. Our environment changes. Even we change.

So, how are you allowing yourself to change and transform right now? How are you like the river reed bending and agile but not breaking from the steady stream? How are you moving like water? Are you doing what is intrinsic to you? What is calling you?

Healer, helper and empath, if you endeavour to live a life that isn’t your own or follow a path that others want for you; it won’t work. You will find yourself in a crisis or series of crises because your spirit knows what it wants and needs and your job is to follow it. Get out of your own way and follow. Surrender to your innate spirit, to your nature, and to the gifts you often deem weaknesses.

Are you prepared to surrender and fully engage in your own healing, no matter what? To find and follow your path?

If so, you are well on your way healer, helper and empath. If not, that’s okay too. It's enough that you are reading this and hopefully finding some validation and encouragement in these words. Remember, you aren’t alone. We hear, see and value you. Its time for you to do the same for yourself.

If you'd like to find out if you have a calling to heal or want additional clarity and support, feel free to book a session.

©Rebecca Rogerson, 2021